tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
