The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
