What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
only if we run a train.
done.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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