I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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