Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
