so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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