I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
