Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
