just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
