I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
