i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
why is half of my head shaved?
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