it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Randomize
