I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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