I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
