If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
