Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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