How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
