So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
