I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
