She is in my trunk
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
