bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
