you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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