I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
