i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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