I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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