Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
