i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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