Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
