Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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