I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
