Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
