I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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