Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
