chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
