btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
