tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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