Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
