Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
