what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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