We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize