Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
