i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
