glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
