it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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