somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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