I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
