The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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