Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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