Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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