i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
