I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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