I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
