sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
