You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
