is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just gargled with NyQuil
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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