well most of my day revolves around power hour
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
