You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
