6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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