Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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